It's Been A Pleasure

Another new Waterparks album is out! It seems like all I ever post on this blog is about Waterparks, but that is because I hate keeping up with a blog. Whatever. This new album is titled Intellectual Property, and it’s a very fun listen teeming with some pretty messy, dark, and complicated themes.

That’s what I find interesting about this album, is that on the surface it seems very simple and straightforward—especially after how dense, both thematically and musically, Greatest Hits was. Even going in to writing this I was thinking that, although I’d had ideas swirling around in my head over the past several months while listening to it. But when I really started to sit down with the lyrics and analyze them, see how they play together and build on each other as the album’s storyline progresses (because, in my opinion, this is absolutely a concept album), I started really appreciating the craft that went into the construction of the album and its themes.

I think it’s cool that it works as a pretty light, fun, catchy listen if that’s all you’re wanting out of your music (which is definitely me most of the time), but also offers more depth if you’re willing to actually examine what’s being said.

Please note that, like with my previous album analyses for Fandom and Greatest Hits, while I am friends with the band you should not take this as being the 100% correct interpretation of the album—it really is just my own thoughts and analysis of things based on listening to it. Maybe I’m wrong! Maybe I’m not! Who knows? Either way, good album.

So anyway, here is my analysis of Intellectual Property.

1. St*rfucker – I love this instrumental, it’s so sparkly and dizzying and I think that perfectly hits at the emotion of this song, which to me is about still having that butterflies-in-your-stomach sort of feeling about a person, while you’re also spiraling. Right off the bat, we’re hitting at one of the big thematic elements of the album, which is this cycle you’re stuck in (you love writing about cycles it seems). Obviously evident in the chorus of “It’s been a pleasure / It’s nice to meet you,” saying bye to one relationship while greeting the next. (And I don’t think it’s a coincidence using the word “pleasure” as a double entendre here.) Also starting off with the religious trauma wrapped around sexuality with “Jesus Christ won’t text me back,” which is a really simple and quick line but gets at the lack of clarity about how you should be living your life in conjunction with your religious upbringing, and if Jesus is ghosting you too, then is that even a relationship worth pursuing? A relationship has to be a two-way street, with both people putting into it and getting something from it, as we’ll come to learn throughout the course of the album. This album tells the story of a relationship (maybe relationship should be in quotes), but what I find interesting is starting it at this moment, at the ending of one rather than the beginning of a new one.

2. Real Super Dark – Continuing the story, this is post-breakup, continuing the spiral. Letting those dark thoughts in your mind take over. Maybe it’s a stretch but I doubt that it’s a coincidence the acronym for Real Super Dark, RSD, is the same as Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which is described as “when you experience severe emotional pain because of a failure or feeling rejected.” The relationship falling apart, feeling rejected, leading to all this anger and hurt. Even when things are pretty objectively successful, your brain can only see the negatives—your friends and fans wanting you dead, feeling alienated while standing on a stage in front of thousands of people, being overloaded with emotion and freaking out, etc. This also gets at something I’ll talk about later in the “story,” but the performance aspect of the lyrics drive at the anger and maybe shame and frustration of having to get on stage and perform songs every night that are written about a person you aren’t involved with anymore.

3. Funeral Grey – Now tour’s over, getting some downtime (do you ever have downtime though?) and meeting this new girl somewhere. I think this is one of the most straightforward songs on the album, especially because it’s written is such a storytelling sort of way, and that makes it a lot of fun. It still does get at the themes you’re building, though—“baptized in my spit” bringing back the religious guilt, both in replacing religious iconography with something sexual, but also in the exploration of dropping your relationship with God for something else. When a person is baptized, they’re surrendering themselves to God and putting their faith in Him, so switching that to being baptized by this girl, well…I think it is obvious what that means. Dedicating yourself entirely to her, and in the most “blasphemous” way possible. Also brings back the “Call me, beep me” lyrical motif that was in the previous song and harkens back to “Jesus Christ won’t text me back” to reiterate this theme of communication in a relationship, and how too much of it can drive a person crazy but so can too little of it. Both scenarios can result in the deterioration of a relationship.

4. Brainwashed – The next phase of the relationship is always the honeymoon phase, where you’re both absolutely infatuated with each other. A lot of the time it goes hand-in-hand with sexual exploration since you’re both still so new to each other and things are a bit more loose and fun. “Shocked at the words coming from my tongue / A language that I’m not familiar” drives at both main themes of the album, with you talking more explicitly and expressing your actual desires, which religion usually urges you NOT to do—and, obviously, expressing yourself ties into the idea of communication. This is also where the one-sidedness of the relationship starts to develop (like Jesus not texting back in track 1), with “I’m see-through, need you” being shorthand from previous albums for becoming completely open with a person—and maybe this time around, the girl is not reciprocating that level of see-throughness. But then we jump from that right into “Everything’s clean except for my thoughts / Thinking about me getting you off,” so maybe for the time being it’s okay that the deeper connection isn’t there cause y’all are having fun. Although in verse 2 things continue worsening, with your entire day being ruined if you don’t get a text back from her. I think this is where we most clearly see the idea of the album’s title, Intellectual Property—on the wordplay level of how she’s taking up real estate in your mind, but also in how you want to be “owned” by her and vice versa. This can be a good thing, but it can also be taken to bad extremes, which I think is demonstrated by “The syndrome feels Stockholm.” And then “Symmetrical feelings / Match best when we’re staring at the ceiling” brings it all back around to the fact that you connect best during/after sex. And lastly, you start to reiterate that this is “freaking you out,” just like in RSD.

5. 2 Best Friends – This is where we continue seeing how the lack of connection is starting to get to you. “I could pick your body in a lineup” talking about how great your sexual connection is, but then the entire rest of the song is about how insecure you are in the relationship. You’re sick of waiting to hear from her and need to distract your mind in order to stop yourself from spiraling. You do this by going and hanging out with your friends, but even that isn’t enough to totally clear your head. You then try to distract yourself by hooking up with other people, like you know this girl is doing since you’re not in a real relationship, but that doesn’t work either because you’ve got deeper feelings for her (“I kissed a couple people but they taste wrong”). Which probably goes hand-in-hand with what you were raised to believe, which is that couples should always be monogamous, so casually seeing anyone at all let alone multiple people simultaneously does not come naturally.

6. End of the Water (Feel) – Next phase is you losing faith in this relationship like you lost faith in God. Not only does she ghost you, but you’ve started ghosting her too. “Make plans and let ’em fall through / I can’t even call you / Let alone call you mine.” It also drives home the point that this girl really is not looking for a serious relationship with “I can be nonchalant / If that’s what you really want.” It’s also where you begin questioning yourself, wondering if it’s worthwhile investing yourself in another person (or God)—“We can’t take back what we never gave / And that distance keeps us safe”—if you never did that, you’d never really get hurt. But also “Nobody told me that safe is so lonely.” You crave a deep, real connection—you don’t want nonchalant. I think this is where we continue the idea of being someone’s “property”—you want to feel like you belong to them. You also continue using religious language here when you’re pleading with her in the chorus, saying “If you believe me, I could be your truth.” This won’t work unless you both believe in (aka commit to) each other.

7. Self-Sabotage – Things have gotten even worse now that you’ve pleaded your case, tried to get a deeper commitment and it didn’t work. You’re still seeing each other, but now you’re purposefully distancing yourself from her so that you don’t feel as bad when it inevitably ends (which you also will talk about later). You’ll be the worst version of yourself in order to make her not want to be with you at all, and then you can end things and move on with your life, which is the best case scenario if this is all the relationship is going to be anyway (another thing you’ll describe in Closer). Despite all this, even though you know it’s you self-sabotaging the relationship, you still can’t help but feel bitter about what’s happening. It’s just a way of trying to spare yourself future pain even though what you’re doing now hurts too.

8. Ritual – To me this song’s kind of Self-Sabotage’s partner. “Ritual” as a word obviously has a religious bent, but also sort of an occult one too? Combined with the musical tone of the song, I think it’s clear we’re on the more Satanic side of rituals here. But this is where the spiraling that we started with in St*rfucker starts in the new relationship—dark thoughts are creeping up, and this sabotaging of the relationship is your ritual, it’s what you do every time. But you also shift some blame to the girl, telling her that “With all the things you don’t say, I’m living fucking betrayed”—whether this is more literal like “not texting,” or more personal like “not saying you love me,” the meaning is the same: you’re not getting back what you’re putting in to this relationship. If you’re not getting emotional fulfillment from this, then is it worth pursuing? “Sleeping with my clothes on / In case shit goes wrong” is you preparing to bounce if (and let’s be real, it’s more like when) this relationship ends.

9. Fuck About It – We’re finally at the very end of the relationship. What started as being sex-focused in a fun way because it was so new and interesting is now sex-focused in a hollow way. You already knew it back in Brainwashed with the “Symmetrical feelings” line, but now it’s clear that the only thing that works well between you is the sex, and that was maybe all she was ever interested in (which will maybe result in you claiming she’s just a starfucker, not interested in getting to actually know you). “You don’t seem to like it when we talk” bringing us back to the theme about lack of communication in the relationship, and “Give me three days alone” also bringing us back to your feeling of alienation and needing space from this person even though you want to be closer to them at the same time. You also get back to the subject of ignoring each other’s texts, except now your reason for not communicating is because you know it will only result in an argument. To tie this back into the theme of religious guilt, “We can fuck about it later if you want / It’s all we ever really do when something’s wrong” kind of gets at the fact that maybe you tried to “fix” your problems with religion and your self-image by replacing them with sex, which did not really work. There’s power in breaking out of one bad habit/mindset, but it can be equally debilitating if you then immediately fully dedicate yourself to something or someone else (baptized in her spit) without working on yourself and figuring yourself out to pursue your own happiness outside of your relationship with another figure, whether that’s God or it’s a person you’re dating.

10. Closer – Here’s where you’re getting into that self-reflection that you’re needing, now that the relationship is totally done. This is the end, your final bid to get her to commit. You realize that all the sabotaging you did pushed her even farther away than she already was (“I got my space but what’d I pay for you?”), and you realize that’s not what you wanted, not really. You really do care about her, and you wanted to love her fully, but due to her lack of commitment and your own faults, you were never able to. “I need you closer / Or I need it over”—this is it, you either need her to make a commitment and you can work on your problems or you need it to end, because this isn’t healthy for either of you. “I sabotage and break my own heart just in case” is you realizing the cycle you always find yourself in and why these relationships never really pan out. Was she always distant, or was it you who created the distance in the first place?

11. A Night Out On Earth – First off I gotta say this song is just so cool and fun. It’s so fluid, so cinematic. Starting at 2:29 is maybe my favorite run on the album, and the chorus hitting at 2:41 is one of the coolest things musically you’ve ever done, to me. “Am I missing out / Am I having fun” gets at the duality of relationships here—if you’re in a committed relationship, are you missing out on sleeping with other people? But if you’re sleeping around casually, are you actually enjoying it? “Now Jesus hates my guts, it’s getting personal”—you’ve been “living in sin” for so long now, is there any way to salvage this religious relationship? Do you even want to? I don’t think this song offers any real answers to that, which feels very true to life. It’s messy and complicated (as is the structure in this song, in a really exhilarating way). Maybe if you “drive back home to Texas” and to your childhood room, you can reset things and do it right this time. Really, even though this is the end of the album, you’re still questioning everything about your relationship to religion—are you gonna go to Hell because of the way you live your life? If you’re unhappy, maybe that’s a sign. But if you’re not happy living the other way either, what does that mean? And I think this ambiguity is brought up in a really interesting way when you bring up your birthday and your star sign, Capricorn—the goat. Traditionally a symbol of the devil! Is that a sign that you’re doomed? Or does it not matter because none of that stuff matters? There are no simple answers here, just like how none of us have simple answers about how we should best live our lives. But what this song also gets at is what I was hinting toward in RSD about the performance—obviously, it’s titled the same as your previous tour, and you talk about “Now if I ever feel jealous / I just turn it into lyrics and I fuckin sell it / And now when I get depressed and make songs / I turn pain into rent and sing along.” All the extreme emotion freaking you out gets channeled into music, putting all your flaws and insecurities into songs that people then listen to. “I wear my red flags like a cape” meaning you put the worst parts of you on display in your music, but having to then also put on some bravado with it because you’re supposed to be a fun performer that people enjoy and are inspired by. The rest of this portion continues that sense of toxic bravado, and ends with “The glove don’t fit, but I wear it anyway”—this super confident person isn’t you, not really, but you have to put on a performance anyway. That ties back into the themes of Greatest Hits, about splitting yourself into different personas to fulfill different emotional needs—whether it’s for fans, or for girlfriends, or for friends, or for family, or for God—and you bring that back around here with “If it was up to me, no one I know / Would know anyone I know / Cause everyone I know / Knows another me / It’s getting hard to keep track / Of everything I keep locked behind my back.” In the end, all these feelings are channeled back into these various personas, and you’re performing to everyone every day in different ways, the tour never ends—it’s just another night out on earth.

Mother Pig Preorder Incentive

Believe it or not, the time has already come for the release of Mother Pig, the sequel to Flesh Eater! It’s time to see where Coal’s journey is taking him. Things are gonna get weird.

To celebrate the release of this new volume in the Houndstooth series, I wanted to offer a fun incentive for everyone: signed, personalized bookplates! I might even do a little terrible doodle for you!

If you’re wondering what a bookplate is, it’s a small little thing—basically a sticker—that an author can sign and send out and then you can stick it into the front pages of your book. So it’s like having a signed book without me having to travel across the country and remember to bring a pen! It’s so convenient!

bookplate.jfif

All you have to do is place an order for Mother Pig and/or Flesh Eater (might as well have both, right?) and submit proof of purchase between May 28 and June 1, 2021. After Tuesday, this offer is no longer valid.

For this weekend only, both Flesh Eater and Mother Pig’s ebooks will cost a mere 99c (US and UK only for FE, worldwide for MP). You can purchase either the paperback OR the ebook, in case you can only afford the latter right now but want to get a bookplate for when you buy a paperback later on and put it in there.

SUBMIT PROOF OF PURCHASE USING THIS FORM. All you have to do is answer the questions and upload a screenshot of your receipt. If you try to send it to me any other way (my site’s contact page, twitter, instagram, whatever), I will not see it and you will not get your bookplate. So please use this form!

If you live in the US, in the next couple weeks I will mail out your signed, personalized bookplate. Unfortunately, due to the mailing costs and the fact that I am a one-man operation, I can’t offer to mail out the bookplates for non-US folks. But I’m not leaving you out! If you submit your proof of purchase, I will still sign and personalize a bookplate for you and scan it to send to your email address so that you can print it out and affix it to your book.

CLICK HERE to purchase Flesh Eater ~

CLICK HERE to purchase Mother Pig ~

Thanks so much for your support. I hope you enjoy the books!

These Are Your Greatest Hits

I’ve been listened to Greatest Hits by Waterparks for months now and it has not gotten old even a little bit. I was just screaming along to it as I picked up some groceries! I was having a great time.

Just like with Fandom, I wrote up these notes while I was listening to the album at some point a few months ago and sent it over to Awsten, because I am a nerd. He loved it, and said that I was about 98% there with my analysis—and we talked about that last 2% I missed a while after that, which you should be able to read sometime soon (I’m not sure how much I can say about that right now but I’m excited for it).

So while there are a few things that were illuminated for me since then, I haven’t altered this since I sent it to Awsten. Here’s my analysis/sort of review for Greatest Hits.

1. Greatest Hits - I feel like this accomplishes a lot with literally one lyric. It completely sets the tone for the whole album musically, but also thematically; the concept of a dream lays out the multiple dichotomies I think the album is exploring. One being dream vs. reality, going back to the idea of the Dream Boy, with fans' perceptions of you vs. what you're really like, which is explored in a ton of songs on here. And then, expanding off that, the idea of the love and fulfillment coming from fans vs. the fulfillment of your real, personal relationships. Next being the idea of a dream job (chasing your dreams etc.) vs. the reality of that job, your expectations for having a career as a musician vs. how it really is and the effects it has on your mental health and daily relationships. Then finally how sleep is meant to be a relaxing, rejuvenating thing, but sometimes it can be the opposite and let you be consumed by anxieties and nightmares in the dark (which itself can be a metaphor for this dream job). There's also just a lot of dream/sleep imagery in this entire album, your ass is sayin "good morning" a lot on here. And then FINALLY there's the idea of Greatest Hits (which is namechecked in Snow Globe too) which to me feels like...a band's Greatest Hits album is considered all the best songs from their career, the best that they have to offer. But here it's presented as the Greatest Hits of yourself, the best parts of you--or if not the "best," then at least what the Defining Things about you are. Both what you think they are and what strangers think they are but also the idea that maybe the best of you and the best of what this industry has to offer isn't good enough because you're still not as emotionally fulfilled as you want to be. Which as your friend is depressing to write!

2. Fuzzy - Man I loooove this song. The grooviness on this entire album is just completely my shit. We jump right into the sleep/dream-related imagery in this one with "Demons drive a limo / Straight up to my window / I hide under my pillow / Welcome to the intro." A limo obviously represents expensive shit, Cool Stuff, stuff that comes from achieving great success in your career. But with a demon driving it, you know it's not going to be easy to get those things, and that's an important theme through the album. You try to play "hide and sleep" to avoid these things, to slip into a dream where they no longer exist, but they're unavoidable even there, because after all it's all tied to your dream job. Btw the black cat/I jet thing is cute. This is also the first of several songs where you mention "Me, Myself, and I," breaking yourself into three distinct parts, which is a theme that'll get explored more in Secret Life of Me and other songs.

3. Lowkey as Hell - I feel like this is hitting mostly at the dream job vs. reality dichotomy, and in pretty obvious ways lol. Becoming more and more successful, but still feeling lonely and potentially unfulfilled; you still want the success and the cool stuff that comes from it, but at the same time you just want a day off to hang out with your friends and for your mind to let you be content. More dualities with lowkey/highkey and diva/sweetheart and see you/be apart etc.

4. Numb - This obviously has to do with a theme that recurs a lot through the album, about getting fake love from fans--they love you for your art, which is often about the worst parts/times of your life, rather than for yourself. I also love the line "The more I wrap myself up / The more I'm coming undone" which comes into play later in the album in more direct ways. We also have a bunch of dualities here, pointing out the contradictions of the fanbase with you being a black hole/constellation, depressed/on vacation, and we have the second occurrence of dividing yourself into Me, Myself, and I. Also dig the references to Fandom and Tantrum lol.

5. Violet! - Another pretty obvious one, working on the idea of literally reality vs. dream as well as fan relationship vs. personal relationship, with this stalker thinking they have a much deeper connection to you than they actually do. A pretty extreme example of something you've explored before with fans overstepping boundaries and thinking they know who you are despite you only presenting a part of yourself to them, either on social media or in your songs.

6. Snow Globe - When I heard the demo for this song, I enjoyed it but I didn't really get it, I guess. This song really benefited from the full studio treatment because now with all the added depth and texture it really really shines. And hearing it within the context of the full album, the lyrics hit a lot harder too. This feels like the most important song on the album cause it really just encapsulates all the themes huh? And you even drop the album name! So of course it's important. Everything is touched on here. We have the dream/sleep imagery, we have the false-feeling love from fans that is nice, but starts to lose its meaning when you hear it so much and for no real reason (like saying a word over and over until it just sounds like a random sound than a word with meaning) while saying your heart is shut from the anonymous "you" and saying "you need more from me." Then we have sleep not really being a rejuvenating thing because you haven't slept much lately, kept up til 3am by these dark thoughts. Then the dream job vs. reality, dead since 2016 when Cluster/Double Dare came out. Inviting someone to shake your life like a snow globe, disrupting everything inside, fuck your plans--the plans haven't worked out exactly how you pictured them anyway, so maybe you need something to shake them up and things will settle differently after. The chorus of this song also hints at what's to come in track 17. "In the daytime I get to debate myself" -- and then you list all the things that you're saying to yourself as you go to sleep, echoing in the last song when you say "If you could see the things that I see when I sleep, then you'd be paranoid like me." These hateful thoughts are some of the things making you paranoid and you can only briefly make them go away in the daytime when you busy yourself with other things

7. Just Kidding - Man I love how groovy this song is, as I've told you before. "The worst of me" feels like you think of it as your Greatest Hits. A good look at the way the dream job negatively affects your mental health; constantly checking your phone, whether it's for social media engagement or communication from label/management/whatever else. Constantly feeling like everyone hates you because of any slight misstep you may make (or even if you don't make one, just for being you). That being an important part because a fan's support can flip at the drop of a hat. "All the love I get is fake." If it was real love they wouldn't assume the worst of you, like when you didn't tweet "BLM!" because you were instead actually at protests and stuff, but because you didn't tweet about it (dream vs. reality again) they assumed you didn't care and were a piece of shit. And a callback to Numb in here, where you admit that even if you feel numbed from the negative attention and feelings it still hurts in a way. And then with the voice from the intro saying "And repeat," it harkens back to just a few lines before where you say this is all cyclical, it's gonna happen again and again and again.

8. Secret Life of Me - This song makes the album's themes of duality literal by there being two of you. Wishing there were more of you--not just one, but maybe 9 more--so that you could do all the things you want. Not only could you pursue all the creative endeavors you want, but some of you could also spend the day with your friends, one of you could spend the day finally relaxing, etc. The bridge of the song is literally about creating a dream world where you feel safe and happy and better than you do in reality. But your life is so consumed by the music and everything that comes attached to it, including presenting yourself a certain way for the public, "real life never feels like it's mine." It feels like the real you is potentially slipping away and being replaced by the one that you have to put on for everyone else. The very end saying "Live a secret life for fun / Away from anyone and everyone" meaning that if you can just get away from all this, you can be yourself again.

9. American Graffiti - I like the metaphor of graffiti--a cool, stylish, pretty picture--being the version of yourself that the public knows and tries to relate to. And I know you tweeted a photo of your multicolored hair calling it graffiti so now that color makes sense for this era! I also like it because graffiti is inherently an art form that isn't necessarily preserved forever. Sometimes it's washed away, it's painted over completely, or it's added onto by other graffiti artists. But anyway this song goes right back to the previous song with the line "If all I'm here to do is relate / Maybe I should try to live one normal day" - you feel like your whole existence revolves around writing songs for people to relate to, and yet you never get a day to just be yourself and live your life, so if you can't do that then how can you write anything relatable? And it can also be interpreted as if all day every day is dedicated to The Life of a Musician, then how can you write anything that a normal person would relate to? And then we jump into the chorus where we drive this point home: "You've been reading/seeing all about me / And you're loving what you've found." People are reading your tweets, seeing the words/images/songs you post, and to them that's all you are. Which makes sense, because they don't know you! But a lot of them lack the self-awareness that THEY DON'T KNOW YOU. The stuff you post about yourself is not the entirety of you, it is not your Greatest Hits, there is more to you that they are not exposed to. But you put it out there anyway for them to relate to, for them to feel safe and happy with, even if you don't feel that way. "If you need me / I'm here now." It's a parasitic relationship where the public gets all the emotional fulfillment out of it and you get none, which we see with the end of the song. "Usually I'm all I've got / Lucky for me I don't need a lot."

10. Paranoid - Now we're getting into the more cynical, satirical, self-aware side of things. Laying out how you're aware of the shortcomings of this relationship with fans, but you've learned to live with it even though it makes you paranoid and anxious and uneasy all the time. "I learned to live with these eyes / Hands in my pockets." You also put some literal contradictions/dualities in here to go with the overarching theme of the album: Alone but surrounded, breathing/drowning. But despite the fun- and sarcastic-sounding nature of the song it does get darker as it goes on and hints that maybe you don't have as much of a handle on it as you claimed and that you might end up cracking and having a Britney Moment at some point if the pressure doesn't let up at some point.

11. Fruit Roll Ups - Another song that fell flat in the demo for me but the final version is one of my favorites on the album, finally being able to hear your full vision for it. It's a really gorgeous song. You're a fuckin troll for naming the song Fruit Roll Ups and then namedropping fruit by the foot in the very first line. But hey there's another duality lmao. I like the slow, pretty nature of this song finally giving us a chance to breathe in this album. A pretty song about this person you're singing to who finally helps you calm down, helps you shut out all the bullshit from the outside world, illustrated by all the talk of the shit you have in your apartment--fruit by the foot, Capri Sun, sick lights, etc. Last song you're a little bitch because you're just a lil stinker, but now you're a little bitch simping for this person that you just want to shut away with. But you even acknowledge that this could crumble away if they stop texting you.

12. Like It - Now we're getting abrasive and buckwild after that calm few minutes. The insanity of the music in this song is just so dope, it really does go hard as hell hahah. This is you finally getting fed up with the facade and letting your frustration out. The entire chorus is addressed to "you" but it feels to me like you talking to yourself. Telling yourself you deserve a couple bad hair days--with so much of your Public Persona circling around the color of your hair, part of you just wants to be able to spend a day not giving a shit about what your hair looks like. Hoping the car's AC breaks, the phone screen cracks, all the "Cool Stuff" (big house, cold rings) that comes from this lifestyle breaking so you can get back to just yourself, which I think is embodied by the line "I'd like it even more if you called me." But of course it could also be taken more literally and wishing that someone would just call and talk to you because you like it. And then we're back to the dream job vs. reality with "do I do this for a living or a death." Also suit/straightjacket, another duality.

13. Gladiator - And of course this lil interlude is 100% about the fans vs. reality, them not really caring about your wants or desires, they just want MORE CONTENT. Even if it means you're numb from it, even if you're wishing to die like in Just Kidding, it doesn't matter, they just want CONTENT because that's the nature of their relationship with you and they want to maintain that "healthy" relationship. And yet you have to continue fighting because your career is dependent on them, the stadium full of people, because without them it's all over. The only way to keep on fighting is to "come out of your human self," completely detach the public persona from your real self, so that maybe you can have so much of a distinction between the two that their perception of the Persona doesn't negatively affect your mental health because YOU know it's not the real you.

14. Magnetic - It's hard to not lose yourself if you do that, though. Here's the even darker exploration of the theme about the duality between dream you and real you. If you create a different You to project to the public, but then your career takes over your day-to-day more and more (like you've already said it does), that means you're the Other You all the time and then when are you ever your real self? And if you're never your real self then is that your real self anymore? Before you wanted to branch of and have multiple selves in Secret Life of Me but there's a danger to losing the real you. You're presenting this other version of yourself all the time ("I'm fucking up / I'm recording it / I'm projecting big / Through a tiny screen") but eventually they're so detached from the real you--"I see the posts, I see the tweets / I see his face but he's not me"--and now you know it's not you, but it's the you that you feel you have to continue being, and you're asking "Why did I do this?" You're doing it because you need the career to continue its upward trajectory, you're doing it because part of you DOES want that "fake love" from the public ("you're all we want and more"), possibly because you feel unfulfilled from your personal relationships (which is partially because so much time is dedicated to the Other You, so it's basically an ouroboros, it's cyclical)--but you know that you hate all this and you hate what it's doing to your life, yet you keep doing it. "I'm magnetic to the things I hate the most."

15. Crying Over It All - Now we get into the aftermath of a life like this. Again the dreaming imagery, wanting to imagine a life where you can get everything you want, all the stuff and the success, without your real self fading and all your personal relationships suffering. Eventually you feel like this lifestyle will go away--you'll be done making music and the most hardcore fans will move on, and you hope that enough of your real self and your friends are still around, including this person you're singing to. When you're swallowed down by this lifestyle, you're telling yourself it's for their benefit as well as your own. But you're failing to connect with them, to love them the way they should be loved. "Please make me sane for you" being a callback to Stupid For You, you want this relationship to bring you back to yourself and make everything right again. You want everything that a normal, healthy relationship should bring: the excitement (fireworks), intimacy (softest words), happiness (what you deserve), and to feel like you're even actually ready for something like this again (to unlearn my hurt).

16. Ice Bath - Back to telling yourself to wake up from this bad dream again. This song feels like the opposite of the previous (another duality!) where instead of it being a dream about the soft, sweet love you want, it's an examination of the "distorted" love that you feel like you're actually bringing to the table (whether that's true or not). But even if your personal relationships are screwed up, at least you're continuing to be successful in your career (what's important / my shirt's imported / I pray for more shit / like that would help me). This also has one of the most cutting, depressing lines on the whole album to me: "I only see my friends onstage / So cut the check / or cut my neck / with a new set of car keys" (lots of suicide imagery on this damn album). Your life is so consumed by the job, you don't ever see your friends unless it's in a business context, whether that's literally on stage performing or if it's filming a music video or recording a podcast or whatever else (I'm sorry!! :'(((( ugh). In this song you also acknowledge that letting the work consume your life and become the Defining Thing about you isn't good or healthy, and you hope that you still have time to right the wrongs. You say knowing is the first step, "but knowing that won't make letting you down hurt less" - even if you understand what's going on, and you regret it, you can't help but feel the guilt about how it's affected your relationships--just because you know it's a problem doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna stop and that hurts. Again, you wish for more time--like you did in Secret Life of Me--because if you have more time, you can have time for everything--career, friends, romance, all of it--without sacrificing any one part for the other. But that's just a dream.

17. See You in the Future - Everything you want on album 3 meaning the stuff mentioned in WWHN--cold rings, jetpacks, etc.--if you're achieving all this success, then how come you still aren't happy? It's also interesting that in this song you say you don't want to reveal too much in the music, "But what's a meltdown between friends?" You spend an entire album describing this parasitic relationship between you and the fans, and how they are not actually friends with you or know the Real You, but then in the closing track you call them your friend. Also back to more sleeping imagery - "If you could see the things / That I see when I sleep / Then you'd be paranoid like me" and "I could fill a university with all the things that keep me up when all I want is sleep." The idea that sleep is not a rejuvenating experience for you, this bad dream is poisoning everything. Just like how everything you're putting out there is poisoning the minds of the people who look up to you because they're creating this obsessive, unhealthy relationship with you. And we bring back the lines from Fuzzy about demons driving the limo up to your window. Then we also dive into one of the recurring themes of the album about Cool Stuff linking to career success, talking about Elon Musk's fuck-ugly Cybertruck, which immediately leads you into spiraling about losing all this success at the blink of an eye (I originally typed "blink of a hat," wtf?). And if you've created this Other You for the sake of your career, being consumed by it until the Real You is gone, then if your career ends and the Other You disappears, then there's no You anymore. Who are you then? We're brought back to lyrics from Numb, where you said "The more I wrap myself up / The more I'm coming undone." The more you hide away the Real You, the more your life is unraveling. "Everything I know is gonna kill me in the end, but we'll get there when we get there" is another acknowledgment of how you know all of this is bad for you but you feel the compulsion to do it anyway, you'll deal with the consequences later. And then we pull in perception vs. reality again talking about how magazines and the public make you feel inadequate, which then leads into the recurring theme about giving up your personal relationships to achieve this success. You keep giving the public more and more until the Real You is gone. But you'll deal with the consequences later--maybe you'll see the Real You in the future. And that is a very grim note to end the album on.

Toxic Fandom, Public Heartbreak, and the Feedback Loop

Fandom by Waterparks is one of my favorite albums of the year, regardless of the fact that…I am friends with the band. There was not a single track that immediately stood out as my favorite like Take Her to the Moon and Peach on previous albums--but I think that's because everything on this one is so good, it's impossible to choose one. I Miss Sex/War Crimes/I Felt Younger would probably comprise my top 3, but every song is fantastic. And the album is on the shorter side but you truly don't feel that length, these songs all go through so many different movements--lyrically and musically--that every song is just dense as hell and it feels a lot longer than it is, while still not feeling overwhelming or messy at all. It flows great and hits some really interesting themes.

This write-up was initially sent to Awsten on the album’s release date, and I’ve edited it a little below for clarity/brevity, because I would not shut up about it.

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1. Cherry Red - Starting the album off with that bark/yell is so tight. A year and a half ago in that parking lot going to get crawfish together I didn't really "get" this song, but after hearing the album several times it really clicked for me. I love how it acts as kind of a setup to the whole thing, getting the listener into your mindset and introducing one of the main themes of the album. I also like how it continues your color motifs; "blue and yellow let’s get together and be green" has now gone bad and turned to sour green, and it seems like cherry red is replacing yellow (red + yellow = orange hmmmmm). I also love how "You know I died for you" ties into the closing track, "I said I loved you to death so I must be dead."

2. WWHN - A really great choice for the first full song of the album to set the tone for the Fandom theme in contrast with Cherry Red setting up the emotional side of the lyrics. It's also a goddamn jam so it's great at hyping up right at the start hahah. I've probably told you everything about this already but I like what you're saying in this, and how it's something probably every single artist goes through in their career, but no one seems to say in a critical way (that I’m aware of). I'm sure this and other songs will make some fans upset because they're being called out but I like that, and it's some stuff that needs to be said.

3. Dream Boy - Lots of good stuff about fan expectations in this, dressed up in metaphors and really catchy pop to catch people off-guard. Love the phrase "Build-A-Boy, pick your pieces" and "Do you believe in love and is it because of me?" With people's weird way of crafting their whole lives and beliefs and desires on these celebrities that they don't know personally at all yet are so invested in.

4. Easy to Hate - I feel like this is the most straightforward and "simple" song thematically, but man it is so catchy. The sound effect that I'm sure is your voice in the opening before the verse is so damn cool. I like this first real hint of the colors turning to red. This is thematically pretty similar to other demos like ********* and Play and stuff so with how catchy and big this chorus is, it's easy to see why you chose this one to cover that topic. I'm also a sucker for someone doing the chorus in a song but stripped down like you do here. Those harmonies in the final chorus are also soooo good..........

5. High Definition - You're on some Imogen Heap-ass shit here and it's dope. I like this as a single choice since I feel like the emotional side of the album really hinges on this track--it's not a breakup album in the typical sense (aside from like Easy to Hate and Worst), but rather it's about the aftermath of the breakup and the emotional state surrounding that, the doubts and insecurities and vulnerabilities of losing trust in everybody due to one person’s actions, and this song is such a direct and succinct and sad encapsulation of that. Hate how this whole song makes me feel for my friend but it's also really pretty and good.

6. Telephone - This is some real Hellogoodbye-ass shit here with the ending of the chorus hahah. The juxtaposition between this and High Definition is interesting, basically both songs coming to the same conclusion--not committing to a relationship--but in totally opposite ways. With this one basically being "I won't tell you how I'm feeling, I'll just go write lyrics/sing voice memos/tweet." Is this about the damn pretty Target girl you tweeted about once? "Now I'm living on a target" and "all these aisles feel like miles" hmmmmMMM. This wasn't my favorite when I first heard it but it realllllly grew on me and now I love it. The chorus is so good and I love what you're doing with the music/harmonies in the background of it. Also the dumb shit after "I'll follow" always makes me laugh. Then the dichotomy between this/HD is emphasized in the closing Wedding Singer sample which I feel like represents the fandom; you’re going through this huge emotional turmoil, but we’re reaping the benefits by getting great songs out of it.

7. Group Chat - It works as a goofy little interlude but I also like what it says thematically (if I'm not just pulling this out of my ass anyway). On one hand it seems to me like a commentary on the inanity of some fan group chats, how in some of them they all act like they're best friends but really it's just a surface-level friendship. "My name's [whatever] and we're all friends! :D" and then also with the effect on your voice, seems to imply to me how mentally draining everyone in the fandom can sometimes be on you more so than Geoff and Otto.

8. Turbulent - I know some people just gotta have their metaphors and shit in their lyrics but I love how direct this song is. Just plainly stating things makes them feel so much more raw and real. I can't see how you could more powerfully convey the anger and hurt than with "I'd unfuck you if I could." Also the "sOoOoO" in the second chorus is still best part (also the barks). Also the pitched-down backup vocals are tight in this song, really gets you into the frantic, pissed off headspace.

9. NBA - I like the potential double meaning of the chorus in this one; everyone in LA looks like you cause I'm missing you and seeing you everywhere, but also it’s kind of insulting, like "everyone in LA looks like you, you're not special." But aside from that, another very pretty albeit sad song. The chorus with full instrumentation and harmonies really hits hard. I also like the 11:11 connection with tying breath in knots; you're always really great at bringing back recurring images and lines in your writing, it makes your discography feel really connected and like you're actually writing these things, it's not some producer in a studio writing lyrics for you. These songs all lead into each other; the songs on Fandom could not exist without what came before in DD and Entertainment. That evolution is always really interesting to see, how these different motifs recur and change their meaning over time. I assume the main metaphor of this might also be a callback to Crybaby with “chasing through dreams in bloom.”

10. IMHSBALIDWDA - Definitely one of my favorites, it's just so damn fun. And once again some cool vocal effect you have going on in the background, which I always love. The lyrics here are fun but also biting; I've been thinking of this as a commentary on how fans don't really care about an artist's well-being or life even if they try to act like they do, they just want new songs and good performances and new merch etc. etc. no matter what it means the artist is going through or how they feel when they sing these emotionally devastating songs. So the chorus to me is kinda like a self-care anthem in a way, setting aside all the negative stuff and admitting to yourself hey, at least I feel kind of better now; maybe not entirely better, but I'm getting there.

11. War Crimes - Another song with sad lyrics but musically it goes so damn hard, another favorite. "I'm forgetting how to hate myself" is one of my favorite lyrics on the album, as is "My death will be the fandom." I don't even totally know what to say about this song cause sooo much is going on and it's just crazy. "Let's go!" is also a favorite moment. And the "I saved my own life" calling back to Not Warriors is tight.

12. [Reboot] - Hey is "I need to sleep alone" a reference to Sleep Alone!!!!!?!???? I've already talked to you about this song a lot too so I don't have much new to say. The vocal effect on the bridge is dope. The breaths before verse 2 are maybe my favorite part, as well as what you do on "all on you" including holding out "you" into the chorus. And whatever's going on in the background at the end of that second chorus, I can't tell if it's vocals or instruments or what, but it sounds really cinematic and cool.

13. Worst - This new version is so cool, it has so much texture that the demo didn't. Vocals are also really pretty. The added bass and electronics really add a lot of rhythm and an interesting vibe to this; the bass is almost jazzy in a way? But then the electronics/percussion are almost like a dance beat but really stripped down? I dunno, it's such an odd combination, especially with the guitar just being acoustic. One of the most interesting songs on the album sonically despite being comparatively "simple" at first listen.

14. Zone Out - My least fave just because it's such a simple interlude, but what I like that it does is like...basically comments on the preceding songs I guess? It's like a question to the listener. At the beginning you've got Dream Boy setting up their expectations, then this comes at the very end and essentially asks them, "After hearing all of these angry heartbroken songs, am I still your dream boy? Do you still think love exists because of me even though I've gone through all this and don’t believe in it myself?" I like that it makes the listener confront their previous feelings and expectations before we dive into the finale.

15. IFYWWM - First off I absolutely love the effect you put on the vocals at the start of this, especially with how that effect abruptly cuts off; it's so weird and interesting and I never get tired of hearing it. The difference between the demo and this final version is amazing, I love this song. And "I said I loved you to death so I must be dead" is such a great one-two punch; it hits hard as a "fuck you!" line with being a way to say you don't love her anymore, but then you realize how sad it is that the effect has been this emotional death that pervades the entire album and eventually leads right back into Cherry Red. Which is also a depressing ending; it's so abrupt without any closure about anything talked about on the album, and the way that it circles back into the opener kind of implies to me that maybe there's a sense of circularity to everything, it's unending, the songs will always be fueled by heartbreak and the emotional trauma will never go away and dealing with it in the public eye of the fandom will always be overbearing.

Summer 2019 Update

Hey! It’s me. Just wanted to give a little update on what’s been going on this summer since…a lot has been going on.

Audiobooks - I released two audiobooks! You can grab Balam, Spring and The Narrows in audio form now, narrated by Mary Hildebrandt and Scott R. Smith, respectively.

Here’s what one reviewer said about Balam, which you can grab at Amazon, Audible, or iTunes:

The narrator, Mary Hildebrandt, did a fantastic job here, in my opinion. She has a pleasant sounding voice for one, but narrates in a way that you can hear the smile in her voice at times when it’s appropriate, and she made each character unique. There are also parts of this book that are legitimately feels-inducing, and she definitely induced those feels in me. There is a character who is manic AF and talks a mile a minute, and she narrated him just wonderfully. All told, she made it very easy to just turn the book on and listen to it for hours at a time.

And The Narrows is getting praise as well, so grab it from Amazon, Audible, or iTunes:

Riddle's ability to create interesting and believable characters is amazing. I cared about Oliver, Sophie and Davontae from the very beginning. The horror elements in the story are balanced, they blend naturally with the poignant internal struggles Oliver experiences and the heart-warming interactions he has with his friends.

Book 4 - I finished the first draft of my next book! There’s still a lot of work to do, but I’ve got a plan and rough timeline, so I believe it’s on track to release this Fall. Assuming I don’t majorly screw anything up. It takes place in the same world as Balam, albeit with a whole new set of characters in a different country. It’s a fun, weird adventure and I’m excited to give it some polish and unleash it on the world!

Newsletter - I started a newsletter so that you can be up to date with all my happenings. You can find the sign-up on my homepage. I won’t be emailing you often, so don’t worry about spam. Every once in a while I’ll send something out letting you know about progress on new books, when there’s a sale going on, cover art reveals, release dates, fun stuff like that. There also miiiiight be some cool freebies in the future for subscribers, so be sure to pop that email address in!

Anyway, that’s it for now. I’ll have some more news about book 4 in the near future, I hope. In the meantime, check out those audiobooks and subscribe to the newsletter! And as always, if you check out any of these books: first of all, thank you so much; and second of all, if you have time please leave a rating and possibly a review on Amazon and/or Goodreads. They truly help indie authors a great deal, so I’d appreciate it a ton!

See you soon ~

A Song of Guilt & Pressure

I wrote about 1,000 words of my new book today. Not a stellar amount, but not bad. The total word count is up to around 96,000 now, and I have a good amount of chapters left to write. It’ll surely be my longest book yet. It’s taken me several months of writing on and off, due to several factors such as being busy at work, being busy with other projects, and just general lack of inspiration. But I like how it’s turned out so far, and I think it’ll be a cool story. I hope.

As an indie author, it’s drilled into our heads that the best way to be successful is to write write write. And that hopefully all that writing is for a series, too. The latter is something I’m definitely failing in, considering I’m now writing my fourth standalone book. At least this one takes place in the same world as Balam! That’s a start, right? But the general consensus is: you need to be writing and releasing books frequently. That’s what retains readers, that’s what draws more in. The more books you have (cough in a series, ideally), the more read-through, the more Kindle Unlimited pages being read, the more copies you can sell, etc. etc. etc.

There are lots of indie authors who release multiple hundreds-of-pages books every year, and I genuinely don’t know how they do it. For some, that’s nearly 1,000 pages of content written, edited, and published every year. Even the authors who manage to pump out one 600-pager a year astound me. It takes a lot of time to plan, write, edit, and launch a book like that. How are you that productive? How are any of you productive enough to do it multiple times per year?

The point I’m getting at is that this is not my process. I simply don’t have the time or energy or inspiration to pump out that many words to hit deadlines like that. I can only write when I’m feeling really inspired and motivated; I’m not the type of person who can make themselves write 500 words a day no matter what. I have to be feeling it. Sometimes I’m feeling 500 words, sometimes I’m feeling 3,000. Sometimes I’m feeling 0.

This repeated sentiment in the indie writing community of needing to continually release content in order to be relevant and even a minor success has created a lot of guilt and pressure in my own process for the past several months. In the end it’s all self-imposed, sure, but it’s hard not to feel that way when so many people are saying “This is the way to be successful!” and you just…can’t do it.

I’ve been writing this current book for about six months now. According to some, I probably should’ve released two books in that time. At my current pace, I’m hoping to get this thing released in the fall, but even that I’m not 100% sure of. I’ve created this “fall” deadline in my head since that will be a year since my last book, and so every day where I don’t write or even just don’t write as much as I hoped fills me with guilt. Each of those days is a failure.

I keep trying to tell myself that there is no hard and fast rule, that all of us authors should just write at our own pace, release things when we’re ready. I tell myself that, hey, I actually did release two books last year (though one was considerably shorter than the other), so maybe I deserve some time to relax and just play games or read books. But then I think that I need a 2019 release, and the artificial pressure is back.

I’m trying to alleviate that guilt and pressure. Failing a lot of the time, but trying. And I guess that’s important.

I don’t know what the point of this post was. I guess just to get some of that pressure off my chest, and maybe see if any other authors feel the same way.

But anyway, I’m writing the next book, slowly but surely. I think it’s cool so far, and I’m looking forward to having everyone read Kali and Puk’s story. I’ll maybe have it out sometime in 2019, if I can manage.

We’ll see how it goes.

General 2018 Updates

Clearly I am bad about keeping this blog up to date. For much more frequent updates about everything, I highly suggest you follow me on Twitter and/or Instagram.

Anyway, some updates. 

As you're probably well aware, my latest novel Balam, Spring came out earlier this year! This is what I was writing during the NaNoWriMo 2016 blog posts. Lots of people have said lots of great things about it, which is honestly a huge relief and very cool to see. You can check out a bunch of reviews over on Goodreads

I've also entered both Balam and Wondrous into this year's Self-Published Fantasy Blog-Off (SPFBO). There are a ton of details about the contest on that website, but the gist of it is 300 self-published fantasy books are entered, reviewed by 10 different blogs, and whittled down to 10 finalists, then finally 1 winner. Neither of my books have been reviewed yet, but Balam should be up on The Weatherwax Report on Sept. 19, so fingers crossed everyone likes it on the Weatherwax team!

In new writing news, I've written the first draft of a new novel that's currently in the hands of beta readers and is getting some pretty positive initial feedback (though there are still plenty of improvements to be made). Maybe that'll be out by the end of the year, but I'm thinking early next year is more likely. 

I've also outlined and started drafting my next book after that, which takes place in the same world as Balam! It takes place in a different part of that world, though, and I'm very excited to delve into some new cultures and creatures there. But that's all I'll say for now!

Anyways, thanks for stopping by. Have a good day. Bye!

NaNoWriMo 2016, Week 4

I went into NaNoWriMo 2016 with a general plan for this novel, but nothing concrete. While I knew how chapter one was going to play out, since then I've been making it up as I went (which, I know that's how all writing is obviously, but you know what I mean), and while I really like what I've got so far (which is a word count that is a little more than half of the entirety of Wondrous while still only covering act one of this book), I'm looking forward to the chaos of NaNoWriMo winding down now that I don't feel like I need to write thousands of words every single day. It'll give me time to sit down and outline the rest of the book so that I have more of a road map and can structure the events in the best way possible. 

Day Fifteen (11/21). I decided to skip ahead and write the last sequence of chapter 6, which I honestly think turned out pretty great. Got through a little over 2,200 words, so the NaNoWriMo word count goal is within my grasp! There are still two or three sections to write in chapter six, but I'm really pleased with how the opening and closing ended up. Possibly one of my favorite chapters so far. 

Day Sixteen (11/22). Wrote another 2,500 words and...hit the 50k goal! Officially completed the NaNoWriMo challenge eight days early, and it felt great. Still haven't finished chapter six, but I wrote another good portion of it and I know where I want it to go (for the most part). It's gonna be the longest chapter yet, but a lot of good stuff goes down. 

I'm glad I finished up NaNoWriMo on Tuesday, because I know that over the holiday weekend I'm gonna be very busy and not have any time to get writing done. I've gotten a good portion of this book done, but I don't think it's even halfway there yet; I might be on the tail-end of act one. But it's exciting to have come this far in just a month! Here's to hoping I keep up the momentum for the rest of the first draft process. And thanks to everyone who's been so supportive on twitter!

As a special treat, here's a tentative list of all the chapter names for what I've written so far: 

Prologue: Once
Chapter 1: Night Air
Chapter 2: Surely This Can't Be It
Chapter 3: Arrival
Chapter 4: The Body
Chapter 5: Sun to Moon
Chapter 6: Past the Cucumber Patch

NaNoWriMo 2016, Week 3

I went into this week over halfway done with the 50k word goal, though something much bigger was looming before November 30: the release of Pokemon Sun/Moon this Friday. I knew I'd want to spend a lot of my free time playing this once it came out (yes sorry I'm weak), so I tried to get down to business this week but ended up not feeling as inspired as I have the past two weeks. No biggie, though, because I'm still pretty far ahead of NaNoWriMo.org's daily par, and I got some pretty good work done anyway. 

Day Ten (11/14). Not a bad start to the week, but not my best either. Got through roughly 2,500 words in the morning, finishing up chapter four and having the first real interaction between two of our main characters. Things are heating up! I've gone through NaNoWriMo this year with barely a plan; I know roughly some events in the middle and at the end of the book, but by no means do I have an outline, and I'm kind of making things up as I go along. As I near the end of a chapter, I have an idea of what I want to happen in the following chapter, but beyond that it's up in the air. It's been a fun, interesting way to write, and I'm pleased with what I've got so far. 

Day Eleven (11/15). Another small day, only around 2,100 words. But I'm pretty far ahead, so I'm still confident that I'll finish the 50k before month's end without any issue. Spent the day starting chapter five, writing a bit of it and mentally planning where I want the chapter to go. 

Day Twelve (11/16). A pretty good day, overall. Wrote the rest of chapter five, which had some turns I wasn't expecting, which is always fun to discover while you write. I'm also starting to realize some turns I want the plot to take, and I've started a document with notes on which chapters to return to when November is over so I can add some foreshadowing and extra details to certain scenes. This is also the day I broke 41k! 

Day Thirteen (11/17). Not my best day of writing, but not my worst either. Wasn't feeling particularly inspired and wrote less than 2k words, but since I'm already so close to the 50k goal, I figured it would be fine to take a day to not push myself to write more if I wasn't feeling it. 

Day Fourteen (11/18). Another small-ish day, but 2,200 words isn't bad at all, and I'm super close to hitting the 50k word goal. I know I won't really write much of anything (if at all) over the Thanksgiving holidays, so it still might take me until Nov. 30 to get there, but I'm confident I'll get there! Today I continued writing chapter 6, and I realized that so far my word count is nearly half of the entirety of Wondrous, and I'm not even through act one of this new novel! I'm not sure yet if that's just because the pacing of this story is so different or because I will need to cut a lot of stuff in revisions (or both), but I'm enjoying writing the story in this new style that I haven't attempted before, which is very likely inspired by my reading 20ish Stephen King books over the past year. 

WORD COUNT: 44,816. 

Media I've Enjoyed This Week Instead of Writing Like I Should've Been:

Not much new music this week, but I'm highly anticipating the new album Starboy from The Weeknd next week. And Childish Gambino's new track "Redbone" is pretty great. 

I checked out Mike Birbiglia's latest movie, Don't Think Twice, which I have to say did not live up to the hype for me, but it was a pretty enjoyable dramedy, and I always like seeing Gillian Jacobs in stuff. On Sunday I'll be seeing Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, which I'm really looking forward to, so it's killing me that I have to wait two more days to see it. Two! 

I gladly welcomed the return of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and New Girl after a few weeks away, and I've admittedly been watching a fair amount of Guy's Grocery Games, so judge me all you want, I don't care!

NaNoWriMo 2016: Mapping

I don't generally write on weekends. I don't know why. I don't really write during the evenings either. But I did get some work done on my NaNoWriMo book over the past weekend, though it wasn't any actual writing. 

My fantasy novel takes place entirely within one small coastal village, and the three main characters interact with a lot of recurring characters who live in the town. So, for my own sanity, I spent a little while compiling a list of all the townspeople I had already mentioned in the four chapters I'd written, along with their age/appearance/occupation/family members/misc. notes. That way I have an easy reference to turn to whenever I need to remember what someone looks like, or what their job is, or whatever else might become relevant whenever they're talking to one of our heroes. 

Another thing I did was take the town map I drew months ago (for the first, failed iteration of this story) and began marking which houses people lived in, keeping in mind factors such as: vicinity to their job, activities they enjoyed (for instance, one man particularly enjoys a nice ocean view, so he lives near the cliffside despite it being a bit of a walk to work), stuff like that. The inn, butcher, clinic, etc. have also all been mapped out. 

Having all of these locations in place not only makes the map another nice reference tool whenever I need to realign myself and see where everybody is physically located and where they need to go, but it could also potentially present some good storytelling opportunities. I want to adhere to this map; if my heroes are on one side of town, really in the thick of things, and realize that Bernard Tilling is the only person who could help them out of this bind, but he's all the way on the other side of town...well, then, my characters are going to have to improvise and think of a creative way out of their situation. It's limiting, but in a way that could force the characters (and of course, by extension, me) to be more creative. 

Anyway, I enjoyed putting together these little reference tools and thought others might enjoy hearing about them and possibly even incorporate them into their own writing process. It's certainly gotten me more excited about my book and has helped breathe life into this peculiar fantasy village. 

NaNoWriMo 2016, Week 2

I don't really write on the weekends (for whatever stupid reason), so I was probably already running behind other people when this week started, but oh well. Despite a pretty terrible Wednesday (both mentally and writing-ly), I managed to make a pretty dang good amount of progress this week. Even more than during week one! I also made an account on the NaNoWriMo website, so you can add me as a writing buddy if you'd like by clicking here.

Day Five (11/07). Inspiration wasn't really coming when I started writing in the morning and then I had about an hour-long interruption, but I somehow ended my writing day with the most words I've done in a single day so far this month! Got 5,498 down and finished off chapter two. The pacing and structure of this book so far is much different than Wondrous, which is both weird and exciting. But I'm roughly 50 pages into the book (after a prologue and two chapters) and still haven't even introduced the third main character yet, so we'll see if she makes her first appearance in chapter three. If not, she'll definitely be here by four. 

Day Six (11/08). Only about 2,400 words today, wasn't really feeling it. Not sure why. But I got a bit done, and what little I wrote today was originally going to be chapter three but I decided to move it to the end of chapter two instead. Fits better there, I think. Need to introduce our third main character soon, though.

Day Seven (11/09). Truthfully, the results of the election left me...less than motivated to write this day. But I felt like I should still get something on the page, no matter how little, so I jumped ahead in the book and wrote the death scene I had planned because that felt most appropriate. 

Day Eight (11/10). After having no motivation to write the day before, I managed to get through about 5,500 words, writing the entirety of chapter three. Which, I am happy to report, introduced our third main character! Now the gang's all gathered here in town and things can really start kicking off. 

Day Nine (11/11). I had the day off work so I woke up, took the dog out, and sat myself in front of the computer to write. Managed to write a little over 3,700 words, maybe half or two-thirds of chapter four, and I'm pretty pleased with what I got on the page!

WORD COUNT: 32,033.

Media I've Enjoyed This Week Instead of Writing Like I Should've Been

Childish Gambino announced his new album Awaken, My Love! and released the opening track from it, which I really enjoy. I'm super excited for an entire album of tracks like this on December 2nd. Already got my copy pre-ordered.

I also went to an advance screening of Arrival, which has become one of my favorite movies of the year. A really engrossing, beautiful sci-fi film that I suggest you check out. Denis Villeneuve continues to cement himself as one of my favorite working filmmakers. 

And finally, for TV, the new season of Red Oaks premiered on Amazon today. I've only checked out the first couple episodes so far, but I'm already really enjoying it and am glad to have this show back. It seems to not have a huge following, which is a shame. If you're an Amazon Prime subscriber in search of a good comedy, you should check it out. 

NaNoWriMo 2016, Week 1

I decided to try blogging about my experience with NaNoWriMo this month. I should preface this by saying I'm not going into November with the intention of writing a full novel; I've just been so busy prepping the release of Wondrous lately that I haven't had any time to write, so I'm using the event as an excuse to motivate myself into getting some writing done. Hopefully I can get 50k words into a new story, but who knows how far I'll actually come, haha. 

I've been kicking around three different novel ideas for a few months now, so it was hard narrowing it down and choosing just one to focus on. I have a horror idea tentatively titled Drainpipe, a contemporary dramedy with the working title Mascot (until I can think of something better), and a fantasy that I'm just referring to as Town until I come up with a title for that one. Ultimately, I decided I wanted to work on Town, since that's what I had the most planning already done for. I had characters, a setting, a lot of details for the world, fantasy races, etc. Drainpipe isn't much more than just a general premise right now, and Mascot has characters and an entire outline, but right now I'm feeling more into fantasy. 

Day One (11/1). I started off with a prologue that had not been in my mind at all during any iteration of this story, but when I sat down to write, the idea came to me and I decided to give it a shot. It's kind of unlike anything else I've written (kind of a romance), so it was pretty difficult, but I wrote almost 2,500 words of it so I'm pretty pleased. It's kind of disconnected from the rest of the story (though at the same time connected in a big way too), so I don't really need to worry about it before continuing with the bulk of the book, but I would like to come back to it and flesh things out to better get across what I was going for.

Day Two (11/2). I somehow ended up writing over 4,000 words in the morning, which is double what I'd planned to write that entire day. And the words aren't even very bad! I'm sure I'll feel differently a couple months down the line, but for now I think it's pretty good. It's about half of chapter one. I'm writing this book in a different style than I'm used to, and I like how it's turning out so far. 

Day Three (11/3). A lot of this day's writing was just adapting/editing the sole chapter I'd already written for the previous version of this story, but I also wrote a lot of new content to go in between/after what I already had. So combining old/new stuff, about 5,000 words were added, and I wrapped up chapter one!

Day Four (11/4). I was pretty busy, and once I finished the work I had to do, I wasn't feeling very motivated to write, but I still opened up my Word document and cranked out about 1,300 words. Not a bad start to chapter two, and overall not a bad start to NaNoWriMo. I'm not sure how busy I'll be in the coming weeks, but even if I don't hit the 50k goal, I'm still glad I got anything at all written for this project. But here's hoping! 

WORD COUNT: 12,950.

Media I've Enjoyed This Week Instead of Writing Like I Should've Been

My good friends in Waterparks just released their debut full-length album "Double Dare" today, so I've been jammin' that a lot. It's a really great album filled with catchy songs that you should check out if you like some fun in your music. My favorite tracks are "Take Her to the Moon," "Dizzy," and "It Follows." 

I also watched I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House and Doctor Strange, the former of which I really did not get much out of, and the latter of which was alright but also Stephen Strange is kind of an insufferable person. Definitely a lower tier Marvel movie for me, which is disappointing after how much I loved Captain America: Civil War earlier this year. At least next up is Guardians of the Galaxy 2!

And finally, as far as television goes, I've been watching Channel Zero: Candle Cove, which is a new horror anthology series on SyFy. Season one stars Paul Schneider and is based on the creepypasta "Candle Cove." The first four episodes have been very intriguing, creepy, and tense, so I recommend it if American Horror Story has left a bad taste in your mouth. This week was also the finale of Atlanta, which had a fantastic first season and now I can't wait for season two. Hopefully we don't have to wait too long, though Donald Glover is off being busy in Marvel and Star Wars movies now..

WONDROUS Cover Art Reveal

I am thrilled to finally show off the beautiful cover art for my debut novel WONDROUS

Isn't that amazing? 

The artwork was illustrated by Aaron Griffin, an artist from London who works in the gaming industry at Gamesys Studios. You can learn more about Aaron and check out his incredible portfolio here